i dont ask for a lover
i ask for a friend
i dont ask you to wipe my tears
i ask you to listen to the reason behind my tears
i dont ask you to give me a thousand kisses
i ask you to give me a single hug
i dont want a lover
Just be my friend
In fact, this year, I can finally do another scene from my imagined movie Single In The City (mentioned in an earlier post) and celebrate V-day as I want. I have no silly expectations from silly, immature boys. I have no silly fantasies about pink balloons and red roses and cheap gifts from just any random person.
This year I want to celebrate V-day with myself. I want to celebrate my own singledom and my freedom from all sorts of ‘love-ly’ tangles. This time, I want to celebrate me- something I have always longed to do but could never decide how to.
So this is my list of things. Things that I will do to please myself and noone else.
1. Walk around in street markets or malls by myself. Browse the stores for make-up, jewellery and books.
2. Watch a rom com and not weep about my single status but laugh at all those who are still struggling to deal with their crappy relationships.
3. Eat lots of ice-creams and chocolates that I will buy myself, from my own money.
4. Browse the Internet for all the coolest songs by the Rolling Stones, Beatles, and Santana!
5. Finish tasks I have been delaying for a long time, but really want to do asap…like downloading my fav movies, books, and drawing some new graffiti on my bedroom wall.
6. Write letters to all my long distance friends I haven’t talked to in a while. What better way than this to spread some L.O.V.E?
7. Bake a new sort of cake…something I have never baked before…. like caramel sponge cake, or coconut mocha cake.
8. Learn something new on the TED videos.
9. Hang out with my gal pals and chit chat with them until we have nothing more to say….but how is that possible??
10. Also hang out with my single guy buddies and show the world that this is not just a day of couple love, but friend love. And a guy and a girl CAN be friends!
11. Dress for myself. Usually that means a wacky combination of colours and accessories.
12. Read read read!!!
As 2010 comes to an end, I realize that I have grown a little more, biologically, physically, and also, psychologically and emotionally.
And I have grown up, not only with the help of the food I eat, the experiences I have gone through but also with the help of certain people I have met in my life.
So here is my gratitude to all those people:
1. My mom: For always worrying about me. Yes, we have a lot of problems. Yes, I do think she doesn’t understand me and she doesn’t even attempt to. But overriding all these problems is the fact that she is, anyway, worried about me.
2. My Aunt: She stays in London….miles away…but still leaves an impact. She is not really my mom’s sister, but she has always treated me like I am her daughter. She has advised me, she has listened to my incessant cribbing, she tolerates my tears even when she comes for short visits. She has taught me to not be judgemental. She has taught me to keep my self-respect even in the direst of times. Somehow, she has always convinced me to see the right way for myself, and convinced me enough. So, here, I thank her for all that she has been doing for me.
3. My so-called best friend: She took me into the amazing world of books. She taught me how to ignore the negatives in people and appreciate their positive qualities. Yes, even though after calling me her best friend for 14 years, and ditching me when I needed her most…I thank her. I thank her for the above. And I thank her for teaching me that sometimes people let you down..and so never to expect too much from people. To make yourself confident and capable enough to stand on your own feet.
4. My real 2 closest friends: For the very obvious reason of staying put by my side in my best of times, and in my worst of times. For advising me, for laughing with me, and for crying with me.
5. All The People Who Betrayed Me: For teaching me the real lessons of life. For bringing me down, so I learnt to pick myself up once again. For telling me that the world is full of people like them and I need to keep my eyes open. For teaching me how to recognize, avoid and deal with such people.
6. My teachers from Junior school: For helping me learn, grow, get up when I fell and supporting me when things had gone wrong.
7. My uncle: For being there for me and my mom. For always lending a ear to my mom’s problems and helping us when we really needed it.
8. My mom’s closest friends: For being there for us when we needed them. For making us laugh even in the most serious moments in life. For looking after me when mom would go to work and there was nobody at home.
There is my gratitude list….it will perhaps get longer as time goes by. But it will never get shorter. That, I know.
Every year, diseases like dengue, malaria, chikungunya and other tropical monsters take a toll on Delhi. People fall ill, some die, some survive, to remember the pain.
This year, in the summer of 2010, Delhi faced the worst outbreak of dengue fever in which numerous died. Yes, probably even hundreds. The newspapers were too timid to admit the numbers. The official number of dengue deaths probably never went beyond 10. But I know….I know because 2 of my friends succumbed….they fought and fought..only to lose.
I believe that every soul on this earth does smothing good. Even the worst of criminals deserve a little honour when they die. In the case of my senior in college: he was probably one of the best people I knew…one of the best that I will ever know.
He was the typical sweet, helpful kind. Ever-so-bright and smiling, Kinshuk would hobble towards us every morning in college and greet us, never letting us feel like strangers in this new place. We were in the first year and he was in his second. He guided us, he inspired us. one day before the exams commenced, he texted us all to wish us good luck, and to remind us that the real tests of life have begun.
Yes, he was right. The real tests had begun. It is a test for us to remember him and his memory. To remain inspired by that bright smile and brighter personality. I dont know if I will be succesful…but I do know that I want to try my best to become like him. A friend-guide to all the poeple I know-close or distant.
Here is my little ode to him. Thank you Kinshuk for coming into my life. Wish you would have stayed longer.
Only So Far
I never knew you quite well,
but I knew you enough
You touched a chord,
and that is what matters
Its amazing how wonderful people can be
and heartbreaking when they leave thee.
But how far have you gone?
only so far as we think
for the world you have entered
where the line between hell and heaven
comes into view.
But me, I think you are still
trapped within the walls of my heart
unable to take a step out of it.
It is perhaps the body which decays
perhaps the soul which travels,
but the memories, the emotions
push them into the far corners of our minds.
But with you
this is going to be difficult,
every step I take,
everything I do,
I will try and get some inspiration from you.
So that someday I too become
and feel a person as lovely as you
So that one day people
remember me for that smile
as beautiful as yours
I will never push you out of my heart
that is not a promise
that is a binding,
because it is not easy
to forget someone
who leaves a mark, teaches you
and changes your life forever!
I will miss you! But how much I wonder!
After all you are in my heart
you are only so far as I think you are