Festive Season: A Time to Reconnect, Renew and Relax!

For us Indians, the time around October-November is full of festivities and celebration. With a host of festivals: Dussehra, Durga Puja, Diwali, Guru Nanak Jayanti and Id all falling within a few days of each other, there is not much else on everyone’s minds except finding ways to make the best of the holiday season. But what really has this celebration of the festive season started to mean? From being a time meant to get together with the family, to drowning yourself in the ethos of good over evil that this time signifies, to celebrate the transition from summer to winter, to revel in the air of joy and excitement….the festive season has started to take a rather different connotation in the minds of the urban clans. Festival time has turned into a period of mad shopping: not for pleasure but to flaunt, a time to put others down and show your economic affluence to the less fortunate, a time to indulge in gambling, binge drinking and other crass pass-times.

The meaning and idea of having a a festival meant for family togetherness has been completely lost in the face of the greed and hyper-activity and tension that marks holiday time today. From being a time when aunties and uncles would get together with friends, or sons and daughters would come back home to their parents, grandparents and cousins to go out and have fun, Diwali time has turned into a commercial holiday meant for reveling in the discounts and shopping for mere fulfillment of greed.

Why have we forgotten what it means to have a proper family holiday? Why have we forgotten that Diwali is a time for shared celebration, large dinners with people you hardly get to meet, a time for old friends and acquaintances to reconnect with each other, or a time to even reconnect with the spiritual being inside you? One doesn’t need to be religious or rich to celebrate a tradition like Diwali. All one needs is togetherness, love and joy to enjoy the beauty, the lights, the sounds of the puja and crackers around. Holiday time-Diwali time, is the perfect opportunity to make amends to unhealthy lifestyles, unhealthy thinking and a time to make new resolutions.

Only if one shuns the element of greed, of pride, of unnecessary extravagance can one truly become one with the spirit of the festive season and enjoy it for what it really is. Undesired and unnecessary tensions only kills the spark of this time and makes it like any other day in the calendar.

Here are a few ways one can redeem the spirit of the festive season:

1. Reconnect with old friends and family members. Send them a hello, invite them to dinner, meet for coffee. This is the perfect time to relive beautiful memories and make new ones.

2. By all means, go shopping. But remember to shop in moderation. Shop in the spirit of the festival. Shop for things that will make the festival more beautiful and enjoyable, not things you can show off later. A new plasma TV can be bought later, invest in some nice diyas for Diwali.

3. While you are at it, shop for others too.  It doesn’t need to be something big and lavish. Even small gestures go a long way in sustaining relationships and making them stronger. A box of mithai and chocolates spell love more than a vase no one will use.

4. Think about the loved ones in your life. Take some time out to cherish old memories. They are what keep life going.

5. Clean the house. Throwing out the trash from your house will make you feel better, it even feels like cleaning a part of your existence. Give away old clothes, dust those old books. A clean house feels great to live in!

6. Redecorate the house. Change is almost always good. The festive season is the perfect time for new beginnings and you will start feeling and loving the change if you start with small things. Place some flowers in the living room. Rearrange your closet.

7. Do something nice for someone else. Having helped someone in need gives the best feeling in the world! Not to mention it makes your heart (and face) glow! 

8. Most importantly, relax. Take a break. Its holiday time. Get some good sleep. 

9. Indulge a little. So far its in moderation, a little pampering goes a long way in making oneself feel better for a long time. Take a long bath. Do a manicure. Gorge a little on those sweets. You don’t need to torture yourself to live. 

10. Remember, inner happiness and inner peace is more important that outer glories like wealth. 



Frustration: The Big Culprit

I am no criminal psychologist. But some times, when I think about why someone gets killed for having done no big crime, why a girl gets eve-teased or raped, why there are cases of unnecessary road rage and why a poor old lady gets robbed and molested in her own house, the only reason I can think of  is ‘FRUSTRATION’.  That, in my opinion, is the biggest crime-doer and the biggest catalyst for momentary actions that sometimes take away lives, or destroy them forever: rape, murder, acid attacks, and what not?

A young lad, who has no aim in life, no one to love, or no one to learn from might not be aware of the boiling guilt and the feeling of dissatisfaction in his life, but it shows. It shows when he bangs his car into someone else’s ‘just for the fun of it’, it shows when he yells at his peers and seniors. It shows in his every act of violence.

Sadly,a person might not understand that all he needs to do is get a life is the most frustrated. Not a life he spends partying, sleeping or biking. A life where he does something productive and something that has a bright future for him and his ego. The worst part comes when he is unable to bottle all that irritation up and vents his resentment on the girl he rapes.

The need to rape is not of uncontrollable desire for sex, but uncontrollable feelings of anxiety.

When a case of road rage happens, it is not just because the person on the other end just damaged one’s car. It also happens because one feels the need to vent that anger and fizzle in one’s life.

So why are people so angry? Perhaps there are numerous reasons. Unsatisfactory jobs, loveless marriages, insufficient pay for hard work and so many more.

But the key is to move on. The key is to rise above all this and sit down, and think of a good answer to what to do with your life. What to do when you are not getting what you want? The key is erase the sense of unaccomplishment in life and look for the positive aspects and good reasons for one’s life and existence. The key is to deal with what you have using the resources available at hand and not cribbing about what you don’t have.

Another good way is to try an anger management session. There is nothing abnormal or bad about being angry when it is just anger. To be angry is human. What is important is how to deal with that anger in a positive way.

When angry at someone, instead of yelling and complaining, do something that takes energy.

1. Wash clothes

2. Polish shoes

3. Clean the kitchen

4. Arrange wardrobes and files.

Or instead, try the opposite and get some fresh air to calm the nerves and relax. Do yoga, have a healthy diet and the correct amount of sleep.

Do everything you can to get rid of that big bad monster in your mind called Anger and Frustration. Only then can we think about eliminating crime!

The Great Culture Divide

A decent dress becomes a potential instrument of attracting boys in an overnight journey. This was explained to me as soon as I de-boarded the train at Varanasi, a little more than twelve hours away from home in New Delhi. Speeding into a new day of modern era, the train takes you to a space still heavily laden with the influence of a conservative past.

Benaras is the land of temples, The Ganges, and ever popular paan. But it also lies on the other side of the great dividing line called culture.

While one section of the country progresses on the path to modernity and liberalization as defined by our great grandfathers from the west, another section is labeled as regressive, undeveloped, backward and even static owing to the fact that it has failed to change its ways at exactly the same speed as the rest of the world. And so, Benaras is an eye-opener.

This is Delhi- India’s cultural hub where you find everything from chappals to stilettos, from chaat to sushi, from burkha-clad women to women in short skirts high enough to label them as barely there. And I am a proud Delhiite, having studied in an English medium school since the very beginning, connecting to my long distance friends through the internet and voicing my opinion over every issue I feel is not getting enough attention. There are no taboos, no restrictions, we do what we like and we love it. We are also proud of the fact that we are teenagers, and teenagers are born to rebel and scornful enough to break the law.

So what happens when a liberal, independent, proud Delhiite goes to the old city of Benaras..the sacred place for all of mankind? She gets a reality-check. Her rose tinted glasses are taken away and she realizes that all is not so rosy everywhere.

The moment I stepped out of the train my various aunts and uncles who still live together in the same house came to receive me at the railway station. Like every good family they welcomed me with tight hugs and cheesy smiles and then commented on how I had lost so much weight and promised me they must send me back ‘healthier’.

Next came the comments on my attire and my first shocker of the trip. As I straightened up after all the feet-touching and namastes a gust of tchs tchs filled my ears and followed by a series of comments on how ‘today’s kids don’t know how to dress up’ and ‘how they only wear short clothes to attract boys’. Sure, I was wearing a pair of Bermudas with a t-shirt I considered decent enough to carry off in a train compartment. But it never ever occurred to me that I was doing it to lure potential love mates in this simple natural instinctive act of dressing up.

But then I also knew how some people were orthodox, so I just smiled and brushed away my embarrassment and shock. Then came the second shock.

My language too was not acceptable. Having been teased my whole life at my complete inability to use even a single abusive word back home was a matter of pride for me till I came here and uttered a word we consider harmless and here considered a mortal sin! What’s more I was also secretly accused of making up a ‘firang accent’ and using ‘French words’ to impress the common people of the city. I was immediately labeled as the spoilt-snobbish girl from the city.

This did not bother me much because I knew that sooner or later my folks would realize how well-bred I am and using good English and wearing knee length clothes did not necessarily mean I was a pampered princess.

I did the dishes, made food almost as well as my ‘homely’ cousin sister and still had the decency to stand up to greet whenever an elder entered the room.

Nevertheless, the next few days too were filled with surprises.

I ate more ‘foreign food’ than ‘desi khaana’. I cooked Italian foods better than daal, roti, sabzi and that was a sin and it meant I was absolutely incapable of taking care of my future-husband and his family.

This appalling revelation was followed by hour-long lectures and discussions on what I should do when I get married which of course should be the ultimate aim of my life. I don’t think I would need to take a poll to see how many people’s future plans clash with our grandparents plans for our life when ‘we grow up’. We Delhi women happen to take pride in the fact that we are modern forward-looking ladies who have much more to their lives than have children.

Quite used to the Delhi Metro trains in Delhi and traffic signals in almost every corner of the city, I found it very difficult to walk on Benaras’ heavily crowded and congested roads. My constant complaining was obviously a chance for the neighborhood auntie to say ‘Aaj kal ke bacche, how indulgent. They only want luxury.’

I also discovered that the evils of child marriage still existed. Though the situation is not as bad as Rajasthan where little kids are married of to 25 year olds, young girls are still not allowed to reach the age of 18. They are not allowed to dream and pursue something else rather than produce 10 cute little children before their great- grandmother is no longer alive to see them. The boys are allowed though; they dream, they fly and they also most often than never return to Earth.

But in this entire hullabaloo somewhere I paused to think about how different my life was from theirs. Although I was happy to be different from them, I also realized that even though I scorned them for their conservative attitude, I knew that they are not entirely wrong. They are just sticking to what their tradition has taught them. And if tradition has taught them to worship a certain God/Goddess on a particular day of the week…it isn’t so bad is it? If tradition teaches you to be respectful towards your elders and husband, it might just save a rocky marital relationship from a complete fiasco in a couple of years after marriage.

Being conservative and traditional isn’t wrong, but only if it does not harm or restrict us in any way. If old tradition teaches us to be patient and fast it doesn’t exactly stop us from having a whole pizza the other day when the fast has culminated. Not treating a spouse like a God does not mean your significant other has no meaning in your life.

If old rituals do not stop us from looking ahead in life then it is good. In fact if they control us in our fast lives then it is like a boon. ‘Old is gold after all’. We just have be careful of  how fast we are going and where we are going. There is no need to scorn our old traditions. There is just a need to revamp them from time to time.

As a matter of fact we just need to be aware of the evils of our social system. We have to make sure those old rituals do not get the better of us. Child marriage and ill education (or no education) for girls is a demon we want to kill.

Wearing short clothes does not mean we are oblivious to the predators on the street. It just means  that we have a different sense of style. Of course we still love our kurtas! What better way than a pair of jeans and a kurta to show we are proud modern fashionable Indians!