Frustration: The Big Culprit


I am no criminal psychologist. But some times, when I think about why someone gets killed for having done no big crime, why a girl gets eve-teased or raped, why there are cases of unnecessary road rage and why a poor old lady gets robbed and molested in her own house, the only reason I can think of  is ‘FRUSTRATION’.  That, in my opinion, is the biggest crime-doer and the biggest catalyst for momentary actions that sometimes take away lives, or destroy them forever: rape, murder, acid attacks, and what not?

A young lad, who has no aim in life, no one to love, or no one to learn from might not be aware of the boiling guilt and the feeling of dissatisfaction in his life, but it shows. It shows when he bangs his car into someone else’s ‘just for the fun of it’, it shows when he yells at his peers and seniors. It shows in his every act of violence.

Sadly,a person might not understand that all he needs to do is get a life is the most frustrated. Not a life he spends partying, sleeping or biking. A life where he does something productive and something that has a bright future for him and his ego. The worst part comes when he is unable to bottle all that irritation up and vents his resentment on the girl he rapes.

The need to rape is not of uncontrollable desire for sex, but uncontrollable feelings of anxiety.

When a case of road rage happens, it is not just because the person on the other end just damaged one’s car. It also happens because one feels the need to vent that anger and fizzle in one’s life.

So why are people so angry? Perhaps there are numerous reasons. Unsatisfactory jobs, loveless marriages, insufficient pay for hard work and so many more.

But the key is to move on. The key is to rise above all this and sit down, and think of a good answer to what to do with your life. What to do when you are not getting what you want? The key is erase the sense of unaccomplishment in life and look for the positive aspects and good reasons for one’s life and existence. The key is to deal with what you have using the resources available at hand and not cribbing about what you don’t have.

Another good way is to try an anger management session. There is nothing abnormal or bad about being angry when it is just anger. To be angry is human. What is important is how to deal with that anger in a positive way.

When angry at someone, instead of yelling and complaining, do something that takes energy.

1. Wash clothes

2. Polish shoes

3. Clean the kitchen

4. Arrange wardrobes and files.

Or instead, try the opposite and get some fresh air to calm the nerves and relax. Do yoga, have a healthy diet and the correct amount of sleep.

Do everything you can to get rid of that big bad monster in your mind called Anger and Frustration. Only then can we think about eliminating crime!

Colour Mania once again!


For some time now, I have been a little low. Things have not gone well and that I can see, has been reflected on my blog.

But then, I saw this really colourful, snazzy blog and I remembered just how much I love colours!!

Just how a smile automatically appears on my face when I see the brightness of Yellow and how it reminds me of the sun! And yes, of summers and subsequently, ice creams and swimming pools.

 

Just how when I see red, this fire in my erupts and I get this burst of energy. 

How when I see orange, the freshness of it fills my mind and my nose starts to smell the invigorating fragrance of fresh oranges. Nothing, can beat the citrus smell of orange and lemon, be it summer or winter. Orange (and oranges) give me that zeal and coolness in the lazy summer season and warmth in the winters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How when I see blue, any shade of blue, it brings a rush of cool breeze and I am reminded of cool, calm waters….along with raging waves of a river which again fill me with a sort of excitement.

 

The colour green,

it brings a sense of calmness along with it. It reminds me of bright, healthy green grass and reminds me of my childhood when I used to walk bare feet, feeling the texture of the grass tickling my skin. At the same time, green also shoots a surge of power and neon into the brain!! Its electric and while calming, all at the same time! Cool eh?

 

And now, the best part….ALL the colours together!! A rainbow! Freshly washed damp clothes! A Wardrobe!! Flowers! Balloons! Parties! New books! ALL of them together! Dont they give you a sense of elation?

 

 

 

 

Dont they just light up your life just when you thought it was turning grey?

What are your favourite colours? And what do they remind you of??


http://www.colourtherapyhealing.com/colour_therapy/what_is_colour_therapy.php

 

Shame or money?


The new ‘Jaago Re’ advertisements by Tata Tea have got me thinking. Although I completely agree with the fact that they are enlightening and fresh, and of course send out a very strong message in an equally strong manner.

Corruption is a practice so entrenched in our society now that getting rid of it is going to be a mammoth task on its own, not to mention a very long one. The beginnings have been made though. The Right To Information Act has its flaws, owing to corruption itself. . Anyone, who has the nerve to stand up and place an RTI against a high-flying minister, is simply killed, or made to experience probably the most harrowing situations in life. The murders of Amit Jethwa and Datta Patil along with many others are cases in point.  Nevertheless, the RTI act is a decisive step in eliminating this evil from the Indian system.

Going back to the Jaago Re ads, although I really admire what the main protagonists do: Make the corrupted and the person party to the corrupt act realize with shame of what they do each time they pay/take a bribe.

If only what happens in the advert, comes true. But sadly, any chances of that happening in the near future are nearly zero. I am talking about the red-facedness of the corrupt official who is then served tea, as a metaphor for Jaago re, Wake up. I do not think, that when I do the same with an official the next time he asks for a bribe, he will make the same face and will feel the same shame which the man in the ad felt. Chances are, in fact, that he will have me thrown out of his office, probably  chased by goons if there is a man who does this, and not a woman.

But still, after the release of these ads by Tata Tea, I do feel better about the situation. One cannot expect things to change in a few days. It is going to be a long struggle. But the foundations have been laid, and the first steps have been taken. And as Frost says,

“Miles to go before I sleep”.

Video Courtesy: YouTube

Coloured


A Mexican man walks into a cafe one early morning and he noticed that he was the only Mexican man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, “Colored people are not allowed here, ” The Mexican man turned around and stood up. He then said: “Listen Pendejo……

when i was born, i was BROWN, ”

“when i grew up, i was BROWN, ”

“when i’m sick, i’m BROWN, ”

“when i go in the sun i’m BROWN, ”

“when i’m cold, i’m BROWN, ”

“when i die, i’ll be BROWN, ”

“But you Pendejo………..

“when you’re born, you’re pink, ”

“when you grow up, you’re white, ”

“when you’re sick, you’re green, ”

“when you go in the sun, you turn red, ”

“when you’re cold, you turn blue, ”

“And whenyou die, you turn purple, ”

“And you have the nerve to call me colored?”

Racial discrimination is, in my opinion, a sick and undignified practice. Just being coloured or white does not make one superior or inferior. It is just the way one is. Perhaps God, or whoever, made us like this made us different so we could appreciate what we dont have. Or maybe even because we live in different parts of the world, we adapt to different living conditions, were we made to look different. I would like to ask any white person who thinks he is better than a black, what will you do if you had to go to a place like Africa? Would you really still think your white skin is superior when it gets burnt to the bone in the hot sun?

Or do you really think you are superior when you go to beaches to get that tan and show off your new skin tone to your pals?

Think about it.

Remember This….


I am a day late in posting this on my blog, nevertheless, it is a very important thing and something close to my heart.

Yesterday, the 13th of December, 2010 was the ninth anniversary of the terrorist attack on the Parliament House of India.

Most people forgot the significance of the day, some remembered. I respect the latter. And I thank and bow to the blood donation camps which were organised in the honour of those who died saving the country’s leaders: most of whom probably;y dont even realize the martyr’s sacrifice.

It is important to remember this day. It is important to remember that yet, we remain a soft target for all those terror outfits who incessantly continue to shake our nation by these atrocious acts of violence. The recent bomb blast at Varanasi (7 December, 2010).

It is important to remember that even though these attacks have become so common now, we still remain ignorant and casual in our approach towards these horrific acts. I am not talking about the government which has so far failed to deal with these groups. I am talking about us, the common citizens who walk blindfolded and choose to ignore the hazards they face the moment they enter a public place.

Why just blame the police official who was sleeping when someone placed a pressure cooker bomb in a temple? Why just blame that single metal-detector which doesn’t work and gives the people a false sense of security? Aren’t we equal offendors?

Why is it that when someone spots an abandoned piece of luggage on the railway station, he CHOOSES to ignore it, even when the paranoia of a bomb hits him? Tell me, how much energy does it take for one to walk a few steps and inform the police? Just because the bag could belong to anyone from the crowd of a hundred at the station? Yes, it could even belong to a terrorist.

And why is it that everytime we enter the metro station, we come out complaining that the security officials didnt check us properly enough? What does it take for us to insist on better checking ourselves?

We have no right to complain and blame others for their wrong doings and carelessness when we ourselves aren’t vigilant enough. Nor do we have the right to take away someone else’s life just beacuse we were’nt careful enough.

I Hope that by my blog, my voice reaches out to the people, and helps in opening their eyes and minds a little…. and make them take a productive step from now on. We must remember that before we deal with the terrorist, we must deal with ourselves.

Remember 13th December. Remember 26/11. Remember Varanasi, Delhi, Jaipur, Bangalore.

CHOOSE to  ACT. CHOOSE to RESPOND.

Dare to experiment!


I love to try out new things when it comes to food. Even when I cook, I never repeat the same recipe in the same way more than twice (unless I reaally love it). So here’s what came out of one of my ‘experiments with pasta’. I tried to create a simple one-dish meal, which was healthy, tasty and filling. Try it and tell me how you like it….please! 🙂

Ingredients:

1. Pasta (any kind..i generally use elbow macaroni or rotini

2. Milk (1/2 a cup)

3. Tomato Sauce (1 tbsp) or tomato puree

4. Honey

5. 1 Apple sliced

6. Oregano and Basil (or any other herbs)

7. Salt to taste

8. Red Chilli Powder (a pinch)

9. Cheese spread or melted cheese

Method:

1. Cook the pasta till it is al dente  and then strain the water.

2. Pour some butter/ghee in a pan and tip the pasta in it.

3. Add the milk and cheese and salt to the pasta and cook the pasta in it till the milk thickens slightly and you get a cheezy sauce that enrobes the  pasta. Then add the red chilli powder. You dont want to put in much. The chilli doesn’t have to be the dominant flavour.

4. Add the tomato sauce/puree and mix.

5. Take the pan off the fire and add the herbs to the pasta and mix again. Be careful not to break the pieces.

6. Add the sliced apple to the pasta and pour honey over it. I used little cubes of the apple and just a regular-sized spoon of honey. Too much honey will make it too sweet and take the tanginess of the tomato away.

ENJOY!!

And remember to give me your feedback! 🙂

Sorry I dont have any pictures of the pasta…but it should look like something like this…just with the apple and honey on top.


Gratitude


As 2010 comes to an end, I realize that I have grown a little more, biologically, physically, and also, psychologically and emotionally.

And I have grown up, not only with the help of the food I eat, the experiences I have gone through but also with the help of certain people I have met in my life.

So here is my gratitude to all those people:

1. My mom: For always worrying about me. Yes, we have a lot of problems. Yes, I do think she doesn’t understand me and she doesn’t even attempt to. But overriding all these problems is the fact that she is, anyway, worried about me.

2. My Aunt: She stays in London….miles away…but still leaves an impact.  She is not really my mom’s sister, but she has always treated me like I am her daughter. She has advised me, she has listened to my incessant cribbing, she tolerates  my tears even when she comes for short visits. She has taught me to not be judgemental. She has taught me to keep my self-respect even in the direst of times. Somehow, she has always convinced me to see the right way for myself, and convinced me enough. So, here, I thank her for all that she has been doing for me.

3. My so-called best friend: She took me into the amazing world of books. She taught me how to ignore the negatives in people and appreciate their positive qualities. Yes, even though after calling me her best friend for 14 years, and ditching me when I needed her most…I thank her. I thank her for the above. And I thank her for teaching me that sometimes people let you down..and so never to expect too much from people. To make yourself confident and capable enough to stand on your own feet.

4. My real 2 closest friends: For the very obvious reason of staying put by my side in my best of times, and in my worst of times. For advising me, for laughing with me, and for crying with me.

5. All The People Who Betrayed Me: For teaching me the real lessons of life. For bringing me down, so I learnt to pick myself up once again. For telling me that the world is full of people like them and I need to keep my eyes open. For teaching me how to recognize, avoid and deal with such people.

6. My teachers from Junior school: For helping me learn, grow, get up when I fell and supporting me when things had gone wrong.

7. My uncle: For being there for me and my mom. For always lending a ear to my mom’s problems and helping us when we really needed it.

8. My mom’s closest friends: For being there for us when we needed them. For making us laugh even in the most serious moments in life. For looking after me when mom would go to work and there was nobody at home.

There is my gratitude list….it will perhaps get longer as time goes by. But it will never get shorter. That, I know.

The beauty of the past


“Memories are wonderful things, if you don’t have to deal with the past”

Something about this quote from ‘Before Sunset’ really draws  me towards it. I do agree with the first part of the line, but it is slightly difficult for me to agree with the second part. Indeed, memories are beautiful things, but are they only beautiful if you don’t have to ‘deal’ with the element of the past that they carry with them?

5 years down the line after my dad left me, I still think about him. The relationship that I had with him and the realization that I no longer share that kind of relationship with him, or anyone else anymore brings tears to my eyes. But I still cherish every moment spent with him, I cherish fondly every moment that I spent with him. His memories are still beautiful, despite the fact that every time I think about him, the bitterness of the separation and betrayal strikes back.

I think it has something to do with the fact that how one has accepted the past and if one has learnt from it in a positive way. Past memories will remain beautiful if you know that the past is now PAST and if you have moved on. I have accepted that dad has gone and he is never coming back. Till the time I had a hope he might come back, the memories were unpleasant. Now they are just memories…something I will carry with me all my life.

So, taking from my experience, I think it is important to learn from one’s mistakes. Every thing that happens has a reason. Even if we dont see it now, we will see it, perhaps 10 years later. We cant prevent a close relative dying, we can’t avoid doing mistakes, trusting the wrong people sometimes, but we have to learn that there is a reason that that particular relative left our side, we have to learn that every mistake teaches us a lesson. The important thing to do here is, remember the lesson the mistake has taught you. And everytime the memory of that past event is rekindled, remind yourself that it taught you an important virtue of life and the art of living. And that is how life is…..

So, to conclude my article, I would like to revise the dialogue and say “Memories are wonderful things, WHEN you can deal with the past “.

The ‘Watch What You Eat’ Problem


I was watching NDTV”s ‘Good Food’ when this happened. A  lovely hostess along with wonderful chefs who cook easy and marvelous dishes really make a good combination in my opinion. Hence, it is one of my favourite cookery shows. But something that happened on the show today (well, I was watching reruns) made me think. While conversing with an Italian chef on the show, she mentioned how ‘watching your diet’ had become such a fashionable thing in today’s world.

The issue was dropped right then, but my mind was still thinking about what she had just said. True, watching what we eat has indeed become an ‘in-thing’ these days. Surely, being careful of what we put in our stomachs is a good thing, isn’t it?

But then, there is a line between just watching what we eat and avoiding what we should eat.

After years of reports that foods which contribute excess calories and cholesterol are bad for the heart, people have really become obsessed with eating just what they think is low-fat, low-cholesterol etc. A joke I remember from the movie ‘A Cinderella Story’ had a trend+health conscious young girl asking for something which had no fat, no calories and no cholestrol at a fast food diner, only to get a glass of water. What people dont pay attention to is the word ‘EXCESS’. When Doctor Einstein of health said cholesterol is bad for the heart, he in no meant to say “Stop having Food”. Almost every food/vegetable/fruit etc has a certain amount of fat and calorie which is NECESSARY for the body. Why on earth would our mothers insist on our finishing our vegetables otherwise?

A Little amount of fat is very essential to the body. Well, unless you want to end up looking like Voctoria Beckham (probably even worse) at the age of 20, you might as well reconsider popping a few bites into your mouth WITHOUT thinking of how much weight you will gain. Your body could do some good with all that ghee and butter, trust me, that is all it really needs to give you some nice, and soft arms.

A little chocolate once in a while is great for your mental health (remember, chocolate helps with depression?). It will also give you some much needed anti-oxidants for that glow on the face. Unless, of course again you want to just slather oodles of concealer and blush a la Mrs. Beckham.

Another point which troubles me is the recent Diet programs that have come up and sadly gained popularity among the dim-witted bimbos of the world. While an Atkins’ diet might be good for an overweight Somebody who really just needs exercise, it might do more harm than good for a stick-thin super-conscious wannabe model. Yes, in the short term you will probably feel better about your rapidly losing weight, but in the long run, it might just give you broken bones and a malnourished body babe. Not So Pleasing.

Even the kind of exercise regimen you follow needs to be carefully monitored and advised by an expert. Somebody with a hypertension and high BP history cannot and should not do certain Yoga Asanas that probably Madame Shilpa Shetty swears by.

A diabetic needs a diffferent diet and a different kind of physical exercise from an athlete or say, a wrestler. So please, all you wannabe Dwayne Johnsons  of the world, use your brains and use your mouth in the right places. Eat what you NEED to eat, and think before you jump…literally.

Musically aware!


Music is such an amazing medium to propagate one’s views in a pleasing and entertaining way. The recent fad among musicians seems to be the rising concern over various environmental, social, and psychological issues plaguing our civilization and why should it not be?

So, I made a list of songs that I am thankful were written and sung by such talented people, who I thought were ignorant of anything which did not concern their personal lives immediately. Fortunately, these issues do concern…better, I thank them for using their power in a positive way.

I think everyone should listen to these songs and understand them. Please feel free to make your own additions to the list!

1. Bob Sinclair: World Hold On

2. Madonna: Hey You

3. Micheal Jackson: Heal the World

4. Micheal Jackson: The Earth Song

5. Black Eyed Peas ft. Justine Timberlake: Where is the Love?

6. John Mayer: Waiting on the World to Change

7. Savage Garden: The Animal Song

8. Micheal Jackson: They Don’t Really Care About Us

9. Lee Hays and Pete Seeger: If I Had A Hammer (The Hammer Song)

10. John Lennon: Imagine

11. Tracy Chapman: Behind the Wall

There are probably thousands of other wonderful songs that have been written about the problems in our lives. Some made it big, some didn’t. My thanks, and applause goes to all those writers who cared enough to care about the world.